Posted by: JDM..... | August 12, 2014

A man walks into a bar

uh oh…….


It’s an old story…

A man walked into a bar, strolled up to the rail right next to the biggest gorilla in the joint, looked up at him, and drawled “you’re an ass hole”.

Incredulous, the Big Guy looked down at the gnat grinning back at him.

“……….What’re you, NUTS?”

“No, not at all. I was just suggesting that you are an ass hole…..”

The Big Guy stared back with raised eyebrows for a moment, before grunting, shaking his head, and returning to the process of sipping his drink, which seemed a far more important issue than the annoying behavior of a little man with a big mouth who he figured had had a bit too much to drink.

The little guy didn’t move.

After a moment, the bigger man looked over at him and scowled. “So, what the hell was THAT all about anyway? I’m twice your size and half your age….seems to me YOU’RE the ass hole around here….”

“Oh, not at all, my friend,” the little man chuckled. I’m still in one piece and we’re sitting here engaged in conversation. Either my observation was true or you found it so insignificant as to warrant little or none of your concern”. He motioned to the bartender, who was disappointed to learn that the man wanted only ginger ale. Neat.

His ire beginning to penetrate his facade of disinterest, the larger man turned to face the Gnat and showed his full height. “Now listen up! You’re beginning to piss me off! I’m NOT an ass hole, I don’t appreciate being CALLED an ass hole…..especially by some pipsqueak jerk I never met before in my life, so knock it off before I lose my temper!” He glared into the Gnat’s eyes as he threw down the remainder of his drink and noisily returned the empty glass to the bar. The bartender silently appeared out of the shadows and poured a refill. The man curtly nodded his thanks while fishing a couple of loose bills out of his pocket without breaking eye contact with his tormentor. The smaller man lowered his eyes and slowly turned to the bar, leaned on his elbows, and nursed his ginger ale in silence. The big man glared for a moment longer.

“Hmph!” he grunted, and turned away to swirl the amber liquid in his glass for a time before raising it to his lips for a sip.

“Well, ya know….” The little man started.

The big man froze, only his eyes darting sharply to the left to fall on the Gnat still hunched over and staring at the bar top.

“……I may very well be a pipsqueak, and I may very well be a jerk,” Gnat continued, “but saying that out loud or hanging it on the side of the Goodyear Blimp doesn’t make it so, and it CERTAINLY doesn’t diminish or cancel out my description of YOU…..”

“Why you little …..!” the big man bellowed, tossing down his drink and slamming the empty glass down loudly on the surface of the bar. He spun around and took a step toward his antagonist.

BUT….” the Gnat said, raising his palm and cocking his head to the side while staring at the floor, “I can see you’re pretty upset, so as a peace offering and gesture of neighborliness…….” He turned to the bartender and said “please pour this gentleman a double, on me, and keep the change.” He placed a ten dollar bill on the bar, and walked quietly out of the establishment.

The big man and the bar tender looked at each other and shook their heads. He tossed down the free drink and stood back from the rail. “I’m not in a very good mood, Jack. Guess I’ll see you another time. G’night”. He ran his fingers through his hair and walked out, ambled across the small parking lot and got into his car.

No sooner than he had turned onto the avenue and shifted into second gear than the flashing blue light filled his back window.


He eased to the curb and rummaged around for his license and insurance verification as the glare of a flashlight bobbed toward him.

“Evening, sir….had anything to drink tonight?”

“Yes officer, I just had a drink in that bar you saw me leave.”

“I see,” the man behind the flashlight said. “License and insurance please?”

The man handed the papers out of the window. “Is there a problem?”

“Why, yes there is….” the suddenly familiar voice behind the flashlight said. “You acknowledge that you had a drink, but I happen to suspect you’ve had more than that…..say, at least two plus a double?”


~-~* * *~-~



  1. entrapment….

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