Posted by: JDM..... | March 9, 2013

OK, so I DIDN’T break my neck….

NOW what….?

One of the ways I responded to my approaching birthday recently was to comment “I’m not pushing 69, I’m pulling 68” on FaceBook. A few regulars hit the “like” button, and that was about it. I’m not sure how I feel about it today.

I can’t really associate myself with that kind of a candle count. It’s such an “old” sounding figure, almost 70, for crying out loud, and that just doesn’t compute as an “age” description for me. I’m well aware that I am no longer 18, or 40 or 50 either for that matter. But neither do I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of the Final Precipice, just waiting for some biological flat tire to nudge me over.

That’s another thing. My first thoughts regarding death were influenced by my mother. I learned that certain activities and behaviors such as playing in the street, climbing the big silver maple in the front yard, or shooting out the neighbor’s garage windows with a BB gun from my bedroom window when I was supposed to be sick in bed on a school day could be fatal. Usually, it was delivered in the form of a dire warning that I would break my neck if I continued doing whatever it was that caught her attention. . Selected behaviors elicited dire warnings that she would break my neck.

Now, I find it somewhat disconcerting after some 25,000 days of NOT breaking my neck, or having it broken for me by someone else, in spite of refusing to change my behaviors one whit, that I won’t be doing any crowd pleasing swan dives with a faulty bungee cord, spiraling a flaming fighter jet into the ground, or executing any dramatic disintegration demonstration amid the remnants of whatever vehicle with which I had but a moment before been challenging all known laws of physics. No gunfights at the OK Corral for me. In fact, it seems I will simply wander around my December years molting expired skin tags and hair and occasionally discarding dysfunctional but noncritical body parts until, some evening after supper, while watching the six o’clock news, I will fart, close my eyes, and miss the weather report one final time. Pffft.

However, that is then and this is now. Between now and then I have limits to push, rules to bend, and old people to annoy. I’m a busy man.


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  1. Keep up the good work, Jeff.

  2. NOW when he farts, closes his eyes, and misses the weather report, he’s only falling asleep. I expect there will be a lot more limit pushing, rule bending and annoying of people (me included); but I love him, farts and all.

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