Posted by: JDM..... | November 11, 2009

Happy holidays

The old saw has been restated many times over the years and I doubt Aesop’s was the first spin on it, but the point that you just can’t please everybody is perennially valid, even if you pass a law that requires everyone to be pleased. Now that the heavy breathing is over, President Obama is beginning to learn that lesson first hand.

I read just today that the big doin’s at the White House this December will feature a Holiday Tree rather than a Christmas Tree. While I’m sure this pleases the Atheists and Agnostics, and perhaps the Jewish community as well, I have to wonder how long it will be before somebody points out that this remains highly discriminatory to at least five other major American religions and it just won’t do for a President from the Democrat side of the aisle to poop on anyone in the fair-and-square, even-Stephen department.

Jews, being resourceful, blew the whole thing off ages ago by simply calling the tree in the living room with shit all over it a Hanukkah bush.

Muslims on the other hand, would be hard pressed to get a fair shake in Washington, DC these days, even from Democrats. Besides, their holidays are based on real stuff in the universe like lunar cycles, rather than Wal-Mart’s marketing plan so they’re not likely to get equal billing with the Christians in America any time soon. As a matter of fact, I think Christianity is the only religion that isn’t based on something to do with the sun or the moon except maybe Humanism… odd kinship, indeed! Anyway, with the Muslims, of course there’s always the matter of some of their more radical adherents failing the “Plays Well With Others” test.

Buddhists tend to be a happy sort, but even they probably wouldn’t move Visakah Puja all the way from May to December just to keep Wal-Mart and the Democrats happy, so they get left out, too.

As for the Hindus, and there are more than a million practicing Hindus in the United States, they’ve got an awful lot of holidays and none of them are pronounceable without spitting all over everyone within six feet. It would be difficult to pick the most important one to blend with the Christian / Wal-Mart send-up in December, although I’m surprised it hasn’t drawn more attention from the Democrats because it is an “organic” religion. Wal-Mart would love it though, since they’d basically have a non-stop holiday from August through the end of the year to fill in the gaps between Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

Another one that has been surprisingly silent in demanding equal billing has been the Scientologists, but then they tend to be a reactive religion rather than a proactive or even a traditional religion other than celebrating L. Ron Hubbard’s birthday. I don’t know what they do then. Maybe take an enema or something. The rest of the time they just mark days to point out “Everyone is an Idiot but Us” periodically and that is pretty flexible. Nevertheless, I doubt they’d be interested in teaming up with Christmas unless they got all the presents.

Unitarian Universalists are no problem at all. They’ll celebrate anything any time, from National Pickle Week to fleas moving from one side of the dog to the other.

Even with the major religions of the United States accounted for, however, an awful lot of people still get left out while the Christians get all of the glory in December …… and that is just, well, goddamned un-American. I mean, we have thousand of Wiccans, Native Americans, Baha’is, Sikhs, Taoists, Spiritualists, ECKists, Deists, and Humanists, who have been discriminated against.

President Obama has a lot of work to do.


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